(Why not) Keep a civil tongue in your head!

I was going through a McDonald’s drive-through getting a much needed fully caffeinated soda and wondering why it was so crowded at 2:30 p.m. There were two lines backed up with several cars on both sides – that is, it was busy.

I placed my order and the disembodied voice told me the cost. I tossed out a perfunctory “thanks” – and despite the tons of transactions going on around me, the voice answered with, “My pleasure.”
  
My pleasure!

Two magic words.

For whatever reason, that little caboose comment made me feel simply… great. I said as much to my teenaged son, who was in the car with me. His reply: “Good manners.”

Two more magic words: Good Manners.

The beauty of having good manners is that it’s not a mood-based thing. You can feel perfectly awful and still practice being polite. (I call it being polite through gritted teeth.) Anyone who’s read or watched a Jane Austin story has seen the power of steely displeasure delivered with the velvet hammer of good manners.

And that’s the anti-negative side. On the positive side, your good manners can cause other people to feel… great. If you’re a nice person, that’s a good thing. If you’re not a particularly nice person, you can look at it as avoiding messy emotional reactions. If you’re a nasty person altogether, well this is entirely irrelevant. (And shame on you.)

The world just runs better oiled with a little civility. The practice is not only civil – it’s civic. It contributes to the greater good of the community. It keeps things on a higher, people-affirming plane. (If only our presidential candidates could read my blog!)

Like any learned behavior, it takes practice. I say learned because human beings are, by default, self-centered creatures. (You don’t have to teach little children how to be selfish – you do have to teach them how to share. One behavior comes naturally – the other is taught.) But learned behavior can become the default with enough practice – and manners are worth the effort. (Unlike reality TV, an acquired taste which is definitely NOT worth the effort. Not to mention one of the great enemies of good manners.)

Let’s say you disagree with someone. Very much. Vehemently, even. Well – that’s marvelous. Just do it in a mannerly fashion. Keep it civil so there is fruit. We never learn anything from people we agree with – right? On the other hand – we also rarely learn anything when there is much screaming and gnashing of teeth (often the result of bad manners). But to stay polite – to be civil – to practice good manners – well, that’s a lovely, humanity-building gift you can give out every time you say, “My pleasure.”

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